Silly kitchen gadget No. 41

I love bacon. And I'm not alone. I even know self-proclaimed "vegetarians" who cannot resist it. But I don't understand the proliferation of bacon-microwaving gadgets. Is it really that hard to put bacon in a pan, turn on the heat and cook it?
For me, part of bacon's charm lies in its crispiness, and the sound and aroma of it filling my kitchen: pop sizzzzzzzzle mmmmmmmmmmm.

Can you get that with this as-seen-on-TV Bacon Wave?

Or with the Cameron Cookware Mak'n Bacon? I think not.

But it doesn't end there. No, there's still the Presto Microwave Bacon Cooker. They don't know when to stop!

And let me tell you about not knowing when to stop. I went on a bacon binge a few years ago. I started cooking it in the oven, a pound at a time. Just spread it on racks over a cookie sheet. So tasty. I would take a couple of days to eat it.

Then I got a cholesterol reading. Whoops! Lucky for me, as soon as I quit with the bacon binging, the bad reading dropped like a rock.

So in addition to finding the concept of microwaved bacon off-putting, I have no desire to find any method that makes it easier to cook the stuff.

Not even the WowBacon microwave broiler can tempt me. Even though it's fully enclosed! And eco-friendly! And only costs $20!

And comes with a promotional video! Just in case you're wondering how it works.

No, I love bacon, but I also know my weakenesses. I'll stick to special-occasion bacon, prepared in the traditional way.

Silly kitchen gadget No. 40

Here's a trio of food-savers I spotted outside Patricia's Pantry in the Alameda Marketplace a while back.

What is the attraction of food containers shaped like food? Do you have to have a different kind for each type of food you're storing? Couldn't they make a generic one, or is there really some kind of subtle difference among these that tailors them to the food they store? Would a L'Eggs egg work just as well? (Do they still make those?)

And do you really need a container for garlic? I just leave mine sitting out. But I go through it fairly quickly.

Each of these containers costs $3.99. I might consider an onion one because I think it's cute. But really, it would be just one more thing to find a place for.
How do you store your garlic, onions and lemons?

Silly kitchen gadget No. 39

If you eat a lot of bagels, and purchase them unsliced, maybe this is a good gadget for you. It might also be good for someone who doesn't trust himself not to slice his hand open instead of his bagel. Me, I'm OK with a decent serrated knife. Yes, my sliced bagels are usually a little lopsided, but I'll live. And save $5.

I'm even less likely to shell out more than $20 for the bagel guillotine, which would take up a lot of valuable counter or drawer space for a single-use gadget. Or does it work on English muffins, too? I have no idea.

I am, of course, talking about home use here. If you deal with bagels commercially, the bagel guillotine is probably a godsend.

Whenever I do a silly gadget post, I end up learning a lot more than I expected. For example, here's a web page where you can learn all about bagel slicers.

No need to thank me. Just send H&H.

Not-so-silly gadget No. 38

Twenty or more years ago, my dad picked up this handy little gadget somewhere in New York. This was back when all toothpaste tubes were the roll-up kind and made of metal. You know, back in the olden days.

How clever it is: you stick the end of the tube into a slot on the wringer key, and wind up the tube. You don't waste any toothpaste, and the tube can be stood on end, taking up less real estate in the medicine cabinet.

Well, now the wringer is getting a bit worn out, and the plastic toothpaste tubes are less inclined to stay rolled up. But I've got a new gadget to help:
This is the heavy-duty Tube Wringer, made by Gill Mechanical. There are lighter-duty models made of plastic, but I went for the one that will last.
You just put the end of the tube in, turn the key and voilà, no wasted toothpaste. Or whatever else you have that comes in a tube.
Because no, I did not get this just for toothpaste (which will continue to stand in its old wringer). I've got tubes of caulk, glue, even – kitchen gadget qualifiers – pesto and sun-dried tomato paste. All of them can benefit from more efficient squeezage.

And if you're an artist, just think of all the paint you can save! I ordered mine from Blick Art Materials. At half off list price, the plastic version is $6.13, the metal $11.25.

It'll practically pay for itself!

Silly kitchen gadget No. 37

This is the see-through version of those colored silicone garlic peelers.

I read the comments on Amazon about how great these things are. Everyone complains about what a pain it is to peel garlic otherwise, trying to pull all the little papery shreds off with their fingernails.

Hello? All you have to do is lay your knife blade flat on a clove of garlic, give it a good thump with the heel of your hand and, voilà, the skin pops right off.

Same principle, but one less object to clean (assuming you're going to be using the knife anyway).

If you want to be really gadgety, you can get a garlic mandoline, too. I'm including this video mainly for the Wisconsin accent. My homeland.

Some people don't want to touch garlic. They don't want the scent of garlic on their fingers. This puzzles me.

Silly kitchen gadget No. 36

I'll let the marketing copy do the talking here:

The Paderno World-Cuisine upright carrot peeler "is designed for carrots with a unique positioning of the six opposing blades. With one smooth downward movement the carrot is peeled. The blades are on springs to accommodate varying diameters. Stand and peeler sold separately."

$83.57

Is it just me, or does it look like this would work on lizards, too?

Silly kitchen gadget No. 35

You all know I like monkey bread. As do my cow-orkers and friends. So very easy to make if you do the cheater's version.

Do you need a fancy pan? Not at all! It works best in a bundt pan or a tube pan, but you can make it in a regular baking dish, too.

So you can imagine my amusement at finding there is a specialized monkey-bread pan out there. In fact, there are at least two. The first one I saw was the one above. It produces monkey bread that looks like a pile of poo.

Now, I know that's not really the pan's fault, but don't you think they could have tried to make the photo shoot a little more appetizing?

The pan on the left is made by Nordicware, the people who invented the bundt pan. Undersandably, once you have a bundt pan, you don't really need to buy more, so they have to come up with other must-haves for the kitchen. This pan could be used for cakes, too, so it's a little more multi-purpose than the skinny tower-of-poo pan.

In any case, I have enough baking pans to handle my monkey-bread needs. No need to spend another $20-$25 when a bundt pan produces this:
Can you think of any other redundant baking-pan inventions?

Silly kitchen gadget No. 34

Here's another item I saw at the now-defunct Linens 'n' Things a few weeks ago: Can you guess what it is?

I won't make you work too hard at guessing. Yes, it's a mini burger press.

Now, I did not grow up where sliders are a tradition. I never met a mini burger until I went to school in Nashville and discovered Krystal burgers. So when I saw this, I thought, "Silly!"

Then I started poking around online to find out more. There are, as it turns out, several permutations of this gadget. Three-, four-, five- and six-patty presses. Two-patty presses for ordinary-sized burgers. Presses that can go on the grill.

You can even get a complete slider-making set with press, grill basket and bun-cutter. Sur La Table wants $55 for all that, if you can imagine.

And all of these presses are made by the same company in China. Every single press, from the $27 Williams-Sonoma one to the $11-on-closeout Linens 'n' Crap ones.

And while I'm at it, I'll point out yet another burger-sizing gadget for making uniform patties in mini or regular size. You "dial" the plastic sleeve to the size you want, then lock it in. They cost $5 and $6, or $10 for both at Chefs Catalog.

So here's the thing. Now that I've spent the last half-hour looking at mini burgers, I'm kind of hungry for one. Actually, I'm all nostalgic for a stack of Krystal cheeseburgers. At Vanderbilt, Krystals were the go-to at 3 a.m. when pulling an all-nighter for whatever reason (I won't go into details, Mom). We don't have Krystal or White Castle in Denver.

You could make pretty decent mini-burgers using a biscuit cutter or even a drinking glass, I'll warrant. Maybe I'll try that next weekend.

Do you eat a lot of burgers? Do you have/want one of these mini-presses? What are your thoughts on White Castle and/or Krystal sliders? Yummy or abomination? Inquiring minds want to know.

Silly kitchen gadget No. 33

"Did you hear about Roger?"

"What happened?"

"He got canned after the boss saw that Half-Time Turkey package design."

"Well, if you're going to make the turkey look like it's sitting on the pot with its pants around its ankles, you've gotta face the consequences."

"Yeah, and it's too close to Thanksgiving to do over. We have to ship it as is."

I always learn interesting things when I research the stuff I find. For example, the history of this turkey's distributor, the Mason, Ohio-based M.E. Heuck Co.:

Mathilde E. Heuck, a renowned cook and homemaker, once traveled the world seeking ideas and recipes to improve the American kitchen. In 1922, she finally found the kind of brilliant idea she was looking for. Taking a few nails and a piece of string from her husband's tool box, Mathilde created the famous Heuck Turkey Lacer. This innovation made the preparation of delicious poultry dressing easier for cooks and homemakers everywhere. Millions of Turkey Lacers have been sold over the years, making it one of Heuck's most popular products.

The company sells pretty much every turkey-cooking accessory you can think of, from turkey lifters to racks to basters to pop-up timers. All of them entirely sensible items.

This gadget, though, makes me wonder. It's basically two strips of aluminum that you put inside the turkey to conduct heat and supposedly cook the bird faster. Do you think that really works?

I can't find the Half-Time Turkey on Heuck's website and I suspect it's been discontinued.

Or maybe it's just on hiatus for a package redesign. I hear Roger is getting help – and changing careers – after being found with his head in the oven.

Silly kitchen gadget No. 32

A loyal reader turned me on to one of this week's gadgets, Grandpa Witmer's Old-Fashioned Peanut Butter Mixer. You replace your peanut butter jar lid with this thingamabob, which has an arm inside to stir up your natural peanut butter. You then pull up on the handle, which is cleaned by a gasket inside, and remove the lid to scoop out the peanuty paste. Well, OK, that's kind of cool, yes?

It's made by Witmer Products of Orrville, Ohio. Now, as it turns out, Orrville is also the home of Smucker's. And this stirrer is designed to fit all the standard Smucker's jars, as well as other brands such as Laura Scudder and Adams. Those products, too, are owned by Smucker's. Hmmm. You have to wonder what the link is between the Witmers and the Smuckers.

If you look on Amazon, you can find this product being marketed by several different companies, so it's up to you whether you want to pay $9 or $12 for it. If you go to the Witmer website, though, you can be sure to get the right kind for the right jar.

Maybe what you really need is Model 200, or Model 50, instead of the Model 100 shown above.
These knobby-type stirrers work better on the low-fat peanut butters, which tend to be on the stiff side.

Consumer Reports did a comparison of peanut butters (and stirrers). Smucker's Natural and Smucker's Organic came out on top for best taste among creamy peanut butters. Testers liked the stirrers, too, but wouldn't pay $10 for one. Would you?

But wait! There's more! If you decided to buy the stirrer at Amazon, you could also buy the Cuisipro Peanut Butter and Jelly Spreader on the left at $19.98 for both!

Now, who the heck is going to shell out $10 for a color-coded PB&J spreader? Someone with serious OCD, maybe. Therapists could use it as a tool: "Bob, I want you to take this home and use the wrong sides." Aiieeeeee!

In conclusion, the spreader is silly, but I could see getting the Witmer stirrer for someone as a gift, if you knew they were really into natural peanut butter and could be sure of getting them the right size.

If you're not interested in the Witmers' stirrer, you might choose from their eclectic and very brief list of other products: a sand auger for beach umbrellas, a plastic flap for your newspaper box or a retractable clothesline.

I don't eat much peanut butter, but I'm tempted by the clothesline. How about you? Do you like the stirrer, the spreader or one of the other fine Witmer products?

Clever giftin' gadget

Once again I've got something clever instead of silly for Silly Kitchen Gadget Monday. But 'tis the season for this one. You may have seen Inovent's Giftwrap Cutter for sale at Bed Bath & Beyond. Probably other places carry it, too. It's about $8, as I recall. And if you've struggled with cutting gift wrap neatly and in a straight line, it's pretty darn handy.

What sold me on it was my love of the kitchen plastic wrap that comes with the little slide-y cutter thingy (speaking of kitchen gadgets, sort of). Really, I want to hug whoever invented that. Or make them some cookies.

To operate the giftwrap cutter, you fold open the roll stand, pop out the cutter from its slot, place your wrapping paper on the stand and slide the cutter across in the groove. Easy!
It makes a nice, straight cut, saving you time and hassle. And because it folds up short and flat, it's easy to store.

So if you've wondered whether this gadgets is silly or smart, my vote's on the latter.

Silly kitchen gadget No. 31

A couple of weeks ago I posted about my apple peeler-corer-slicer in lieu of a silly gadget, and last week I just never got around to posting one at all. Mom was still here, so I was busy and distracted.

This week I've got one, though! Yes, let's talk hot dogs. Do you love 'em? Do you love them so much that you'd pay the amazing low, low price of $15.99 for a device that does nothing but heat your hot dogs and toast your buns?

(If I had a dirty mind, which I don't, I could insert some pithy comments about euphemisms here. Hi Mom!)

I found a YouTube video of the thing in action. There's mention of some Internet meme involving the hot dog toaster that resulted in a run on the product. I must have missed that one.

You can see from the assorted images here that there is more than one brand of hot-dog toaster. At first I thought they were all the same toaster, with different labels slapped on, but look at this last one. Can there really be more than one factory out there making hot dog toasters?

What the heck was that Internet meme?

Silly kitchen gadget No. 30

For the bachelor who subsists on small frozen pizzas, what could be better than this table-top gadget? The Presto Pizzazz Pizza Oven works best with 7- to 12-inch pizzas, rotating them between heating elements without the hassle of ever turning on the oven, which means you have a convenient place to store car parts.

And it's energy-efficient. Save the planet for only $60!

Silly kitchen gadget No. 29

Reportedly it is supposed to snow overnight, but I'll believe it when I see it. The snow is late this year. It used to be we could count on at least one freakish dusting sometime in September, and something a little more substantial in October. Last year the first snow was on Oct. 21.

Not that I'm complaining. I got out and planted a shrub on Sunday, and really need to rake some more. But the cold weather's coming.

Which brings me to this week's silly gadget: a hot chocolate set from Bounjour. For $40 you get two mugs, the ceramic pot, and a frother (2 AA batteries not included) that fits through the top of the pot. You can heat milk in the pot in the microwave, add chocolate, and froth away.

It's not entirely unattractive, but I'd like it better if it didn't say "hot chocolate" on the pot (it might be nice for coffee, too, you know). At least you don't have to heat the milk in a separate saucepan and pour it in.

Now, about the color. Pink appliances are everywhere these days. If you read the fine print, though, you find that the donations to the Susan Komen fund ($3 per set) ceased for this product earlier this year. I'd rather see the set in different colors and have the company give money for breast cancer research anyway.

Or I could buy a frother for $10 and donate the other $30 myself. I'm just not that into pink.

How do you feel about this hot chocolate set? And about pink appliances (marketed as helping to fight breast cancer) in general?

Silly kitchen gadget No. 28

When I take a day off, it throws off my blogging clock! Guess it would help my feeble brain to have something like this grocery list organizer. Especially if my hands also become enfeebled and I can no longer lift a pen.

This organizer allegedly will recognize the items I speak to it, then print out my list on thermal paper, sorted into grocery store categories. It will recognize common errands, too. I wonder if "Post Silly Kitchen Gadgets on blog" is one them.

And hey, it's only $99, down from $199, at Cooking.com. Well, the four AA batteries cost extra. And refill paper rolls are $12 for three.

What the heck am I waiting for?

Silly kitchen gadget No. 27

I once made the mistake of roasting a head of elephant garlic and eating almost the whole thing myself, with nice crusty French bread and some runny brie. Or maybe it was Camembert. I was having one of those sybaritic, indulge-yourself kind of evenings.

Oh yes, roasted garlic is yummy. But eating a whole head of it by yourself is not advised. Not only will you suffer a certain amount of gastric upset, but everyone, even your dogs, will recoil in horror from the noxious cloud of garlic that emanates from your every pore for days after.

Do you really want to spend $30 on a countertop garlic roaster to find out what that's like? Trust me, you don't.

Silly kitchen gadget No. 26

I like donuts. And doughnuts. I like 'em big and small, and sugared and glazed. I like 'em filled with stuff. Custard, jelly, it's all good.

So you'd think I'd like the Dough-Nu-Matic automatic mini-doughnut maker. Um, no. Something tells me that this thing is more of a pain in the ass than it's worth. And at $130, it's worth way too much.

"Just add dough," it says. So there's still prep involved, and cleanup. I was looking around online for the dough recipe and found that Boingboing reviewed the machine a while back. One commenter wrote an excellent critique, based on first-hand experience. It confirmed my suspicions. If you can get the damn thing to work right, after endless fiddling with batter and machinery, you will get doughnuts.

And then you have to clean it. Turns out that's a bitch.

I think I'll stick with the doughnut shop.

Silly kitchen gadget No. 25

Here's another item I found at the Viking Store, which on first glance seems silly, but may in fact be quite useful, especially if you're in the habit of trussing your food often.

	The FoodLoop's bright colors are a little jarring when you're used to seeing roasts and such tied up with kitchen string. But unlike string, they're heat-resistant and reusable.

They don't stick to foods or pans, don't splinter like toothpicks, and are easy to put on and take off without having to tie knots and use scissors. They can be tightened down small, or linked together to make a larger loop. And there's no risk of losing bits of them in whatever you've cooked.

One of the clerks told me she used one on the grill and accidentally dropped it through the grate, but it just got a little blackened on one side and didn't melt before she could fish it out with tongs. They're heat-resistant to 675 degrees F. And they're dishwasher-safe (the six-pack – or was it four? – comes with a mesh bag for washing).
My conclusion: Silly to look at, but not silly to use. I may go back and get some to try a little trussing myself.